tips & advice
Kids Incorporated
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage! We all know the song from childhood; unfortunately, adult life doesn’t always rhyme so nicely. If you or your spouse-to-be already has kids before the nuptials are uttered, there are lots of ways to include them in the special day. Of course it all depends on their age…
Babies – while too young to actively participate, the child can be carried by a grandparent or bridesmaid to accompany the wedding party or sit in the front row.
Toddlers – can be pushed in a buggy or pulled in a wagon up the aisle by an older child, perhaps the ring bearer or flower girl. This activity should be simulated several times before to accustom both the rider and the puller. Prepare to nix this if the child is not having a good day up until the point of the ceremony. The last thing you want is a screaming toddler being dragged up the aisle!
For very young children, you’ll want to have a sitter they know and like on hand to coddle and quiet them if they get fussy during the festivities and to take them home or to bed after the photos.
3-7 year olds – may act as ring bearer or flower girl. If a boy/girl pair of around the same age is available, consider having a miniature bride and groom. They’ll walk down the aisle just before the bride and showcase youthful romance. You’ll want to go over their job well in advance of the event and help them to practice their duties to avoid stage fright. A doll or special stuffed animal can serve as a reward and help to entertain them during the remainder of the nuptials as they wait patiently in the front row.
8-18 year olds – can stand as junior bridesmaids or groomsmen. Other special duties might include ushering guests to their seats, or ensuring the guest book gets signed.
By this age, children should be talked with before the big day to ensure they understand the events unfolding before them. You might even include them in the actual ceremony by creating a family bond with short lines. Vows such as “do you promise to respect and obey your new mom/dad?” and vice versa, “does new mom/dad promise to love and support the children?” brings the family closer together. A symbolic piece of jewelry such as a necklace or bracelet, even a ring of their own (perhaps a promise ring) will remind them that they are a part of this commitment.
If the kids aren’t keen on being the center of attention, perhaps handing out programs or helping out behind the scenes beforehand by assisting in favor making or invitation addressing are better suited to their temperaments. Some older children prefer to be heard but not seen, so they may be happy to sing or play an instrumental piece. Others may like to contribute by reading a poem or bit of scripture which can be incorporated into the service. Ask all children for their input on other wedding details such as colors, favors and menu choices. Kids can be surprisingly creative and may volunteer to run a bubble machine for the dance floor or hand out bird seed packets for the farewell. If a child is reluctant to be involved in any activity, and there may be many reasons for this, respect their point of view and never force a child's involvement.
Whenever kids are to be involved, be sure to provide age-appropriate activities to keep your kids, and those of guests if invited, quiet and happy during the reception. Again, depending on age, these activities may include coloring, a special movie or craft. You could also arrange to have a sitter take them home after the photos for a special night away from all the adults. Older kids might like to invite a friend or two, or even a date to the occasion, arrange for a separate table to help them feel comfortable, but still a part of the big day. Whatever the age, be sure to assign someone to kid-duty so that no child is left unattended…that can lead to young ones downing champagne or wandering away from all the noise.
Whatever you decide the right level of participation is for your family, be patient with everyone the day of the wedding. Kids do unexpected things, so be prepared for a few laughs or a potentially embarrassing moment and some bumps along the way. Overall, kids provide an adorable addition to the nuptials that will have your guests cooing and complementing for years to come.