tips & advice
To Party or Not to Party
If you’re like so many women I know (including myself) you’ve been thinking about this moment since you were 12! The breathless moment when he opens that small black velvet box to reveal the sparkle inside and utters those heart-stopping words... “will you marry me?” You may even have envisioned soft romantic music spontaneously starting to play or rose petals softly drifting to the earth while you embrace for the worlds most passionate kiss.
And then there’s what really happens...and it’s not that. The proposal is usually a very private moment, shared between the two primary players...you and your fiance. But now what do you do?! You have this bling-bling on your finger, a song in your heart and you’re about to burst!! Sure, you could have a cyber-celebration with the news on Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, or YouTube within a nano-second but maybe you want an actual hug...from an actual person. Maybe even a kiss from Aunt Jane and Uncle Fred!
Although the tradition of engagement parties hail from an era long gone by, the sentiment remains. It’s the announcement of your union. The first chance to tell everyone in your world about your love affair. According to MarthaStewart.com, the concept originated with contractual bindings attached. For instance, in England, where an engagement party was referred to as a “flouncing,” if either party reneged after the gathering, any personal property was subject to liability.
Today such customs are much more relaxed. Even the appropriate host/hostess is up for grabs. While typically it’s the brides' parents who throw the party, it can be the grooms' parents, a combination of both or even close friends. A bigger question than who should host the party is the guest list. In order to do it right, you need to have a general idea of who you’ll be inviting to the wedding. Those who are invited to the big announcement will expect to be invited to the big day. This may be a difficult and delicate task so early in the planning.
One suggestion to avoid ruffling any feathers is to keep the celebration intimate. A cocktail party with family and very close friends would be a perfect solution. Depending on the number of attendees, it could be held at someone’s home or at a restaurant. Many restaurants have smaller rooms for such occasions and offer discounted pricing if it’s held on a weeknight.
If a brave soul in your posse is accepting the challenge of host/ess there is unending information online. A good resource we found is WeddingChannel.com. This article contains advice from a sensible stand-point and addresses issues from budget to toasts.
Another option would be to employ a wedding planner. Many offer a discounted rate on the engagement parties if you book them for other services. They typically have contacts and vendor relationships that not only save you time but money as well. Its best to hire a planner who offers a la carte services and can assist with large or small portions of the planning process. This helps to tailor the services needed to decorating ideas, menu suggestions, vendor referrals or whatever other portion of the party you’re looking to outsource.
There are numerous ways to tackle this endeavor and your choices completely depends upon the style (both the host and couple), guest list and host/ess budget.
That said, not everyone has an engagement party. Some feel that the horizon of celebrations, well-wishes, showers, and bridal planning are more wedding-related festivities than they can handle. About.com weighs the pros and cons of an engagement party and points out that if your engagement is not particularly long (6 months or less), it may seem awkward to have another party so close to your wedding. It also bravely approaches the delicate issue of expense. In planning the most expensive party of your life, an engagement party may be a corner you’re willing to cut.
In this case, there are still stylish and personal ways to announce your engagement. Save the Date cards are a popular way to send the word to family and friends, or a personal hand-written card is always a nice touch. Many couples design a wedding website offering a back story of their courtship, details of the proposal and ongoing information as plans are made. This is a nice way to stay organized, easily update your guests, and keep it personal.
Whatever your final decision on the party, congratulations on your engagement! You’re about to enter into a whole new phase of life. Brace yourself for the whirlwind that is about to sweep you off your feet!